Happily Miserable
To avoid dealing with our hurts, we go to great lengths...and sometimes it's pretty hilarious.
I opened the door and there he was, the culprit. A 7-year old boy, crouched like a gargoyle on top of of his bookshelf, wearing only his towel, tied around his neck like a cape. He gave me a surprised look, like he didn't know he was breaking copious rules. I shut the door so I could laugh and to steel my face to tell him again to get in the shower.
When I worked at a treatment center for kids with behavioral disorders, I met lots of great children who had been dealt a bad hand in life. Many had been abused—emotionally, physically, sexually—and their wounds were deep and difficult to heal.
Unfortunately, it is often the same with adults—though their paths differ, pain is ever present. And they rarely have someone who cares about them enough (and who is wise enough) to challenge them in their actions.
The boy who didn't want to shower was—in part—just being a boy. But I knew more of his story, that he used misbehavior to shut off the outside world and numb from the pain and hurt in his life.
We all do things that numb our emotions to get away from feeling our pain—wounds that are inside us somewhere, whether we realize it or not.
The only way to address these issues is to be honest and seek the truth (even if it's scary).
I'd start here:
1) Evaluate yourself. Who are you? What have you been doing? Why do you act certain ways? Why do certain problems seem to always come up? What are the reasons behind your opinions on issues? Why are you the way you are? Why? Etc.
2) Surround yourself with at least one or two people who care about you and can help you (and hopefully more than that). But be forewarned: none can truly understand the depths of your pain. They can only empathize and support you.
3) Trust Jesus. I believe He bore the weight of all our hurt on on Himself when He condescend to the earth, suffered and died for all men, to bring us to Him. The ultimate example of suffering, and love. Understanding His heart for purpose in life is—ultimately—the path to personal healing.
This process is life-long and difficult. When sadness comes, mourn what you must mourn, for as long as you need to—and when it is time, healthily move on.
I'm convinced that, if you do this you will become stronger and more able to help others who suffer similarly, which is—I believe—one of the chief purposes of man.
And although you may never find yourself cloaked and crouching naked on a bookshelf, you'll then know how to spot your own defense mechanisms when you see them. Then you, too, will be able to engage in your own version of climbing down, getting in the shower and washing off the dirt.
