Identifying Emotional Health

How being excellent at asking questions really can help us be healthier people. 

All of us humans have emotional hurts in our lives. And although it may not seem like it when we are in the darker corners of those pains, we can still live in a place of emotional health—even in the midst of them. That place is available to all who look for it and is the place where foundations are laid for personal growth, good friendships, and making a difference in other people’s lives.

But how do you tell if you’re emotionally healthy? There are likely many indicators, but I’ve found one particular question that I believe is a quick, fairly accurate indicator of the presence of the aforementioned type of emotional health in one’s life:

Does the person* ask good** question(s) about themselves, truly wanting to know the answers*** of the people they ask?****

I've found that people who do this tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

One—they are humble enough to understand that they are imperfect.

Two—they are confident enough in themselves to inquire about themselves at the risk of getting an unfavorable response, knowing such won't injure their personal value.

Three—they are wise enough to understand that a favorable or unfavorable response may give them the type of feedback they're looking for, because their question is not about being complimented, but about personal growth.

Four—they are hopeful enough that they see the pain as an avenue for change, as opposed to a toxic dump of life.

So, what about you? What about me?

Do you ask the people you're close to about yourself, for the sake of learning their perspective, so you may grow? Or, do you avoid conflict—which is so easy to do—to try to be seen in as positive a light as possible, whatever your unhealthy reason?

If we really do all have hurts, there's no use pretending that we are exempt from the accompanying pains. We are better off simply embracing that truth and seeking growth, particularly if we have people in our lives who we trust enough to give honest insight into our character (and if we don't, it's time to find those people). Because identifying the state of our emotional health is a predicate to living the full life that we each want to live—that we’re meant to live.

Notations
*I've found this question of emotional health of people to be applicable for organizations I've been affiliated with as well, particularly noted in whether or not they have open dialogue with their employees and ask them engaging questions, etc.

**By “good”, I mean that these people actually want to know the answer from the person they've probed, not just an answer. This is easily mistaken. People who are codependent, or who are simply looking to be emotionally stroked, are likely going to long for any answer that makes them feel good or will be satiated simply that they’re getting someone’s attention, but they'll not likely want the purity of what their advisor has for them. “Good” also implies they’re asking people who may actually have insight, and not just someone they think highly of that they don’t know well, et. al.

***Advice is dangerous. Tread lightly when people ask your opinions. Remember that people don’t always think the same way you do and may not take something you say as how you mean it. You want your advice to benefit them, not to make you feel valuable, or even superior.

****You are never aware of all the details surrounding the lives of people you know, even the ones you know explicitly well, so improper assumptions about the state of people's character or their lives is more difficult to make the further you are away from being in their inner circle.